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“Sometimes everybody just forgets about us kids,” said 11-year-old Kyle (the names of the boy and his family members have been changed to protect their identities), a veteran of the foster care system in New Jersey. He and his three siblings have been in three different homes in the past 13 months, all of which are under the supervision of the Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS).
Three years ago, Kyle’s mom and stepfather bought a new home, with four bedrooms and in a good school district. To make the mortgage payments, pay the property taxes and insurance premiums, both parents had to work outside of the home. Kyle’s stepfather had to work two jobs.
The parents did their best to schedule their jobs so that one or the other of them would always be home to mind the children. Sometimes, however, the times overlapped.
When that happened Kyle’s older brother Jimmy, 13, would baby-sit for the brief period until one of the parents would get home.
In May of 2001, circumstances conspired to create the perfect family crisis.
Kyle’s mom, who works in the healthcare industry, was stuck at work because her replacement was late coming in. His stepfather was called into work an hour early because of an emergency and Jimmy was told he had to go to his team’s practice or be off the team. He asked Kyle to watch the two younger children ages 5 and 2, until their mom got home.
Kyle explained that while he was making the 5 year old toast, the baby walked out into the yard, which is fenced, wearing only a diaper. A neighbor called the police, who called DYFS.
When Kyle’s mom finally arrived home, all of her children were gone. A DFYS agent had taken them under police escort. They went to Jimmy’s school, and spoke to the superintendent and also removed him. The school never notified the parents.
The four children were examined at the hospital. They were given a clean bill of health.
They were then placed in foster care. They were also separated from each other as well as their parents.
“I was never away from my family before, except once camping with the church,” recalled Kyle.
Kyle told this newspaper that the first placement lasted only a few days. All that time he was not permitted to call, see or in any way communicate with his parents or with any of his family. “They wouldn’t even let me call Mimaw (grandmother),” said Kyle.
Even though the woman who was taking care of him was kind, he said, those few days were the worst of his young life.
Then a DYFS worker stopped by and told him that he could not see or talk to his parents because “they had been bad.”
According to Kyle she also tried to get him “to make up stuff about my mom but especially my stepdad. She asked me if he drank or did he hit me or touch me in private places. “Weird stuff,” he said. He told her “no” over and over again.
The second place he lived had five other kids about his age living in the same house. He had to share a room with two other boys. “It was OK, but I mostly stayed by myself,” he said. The foster parents were not as kind as the first woman. “They just kind of didn’t care. They fed us and ignored us for most of the time,” Kyle said.
A month passed before Kyle was allowed to see his mom at a supervised visit at the DYFS building in Court House Commons in Cape May Court House.
His mother Linda recalled the meeting. "At first he was very somber and not very happy. I thought he was really mad at us. And I was just beside myself with happiness to be with them again. Then after a few minutes he grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me and kept saying, 'Mommy, Mommy, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to let her (the baby) outside. Please let me come home. I won’t do it again. I’ll be more careful.' Those people ripped my heart out that day,” said Linda.
When it came time to leave, Kyle had to be forcibly removed. The DYFS worker yelled at Linda afterward, telling her that she had instigated the whole incident and if it happened again the visits would be discontinued.
Kyle’s stepfather was not permitted to visit at all.
Kyle was at the second placement for about four months. Finally DYFS permitted him and one other sibling to be cared for by his grandmother, after she had taken foster parent classes and had passed a State Police check.
The family hopes to be reunited any day now, but for Kyle the forced separation will never quite be over. “I won’t let them get me again,” said Kyle, who keeps a backpack with “survival things” under his bed. He said he has a map, a flashlight, a pocketknife, candy bars, a bottle of water, $20 and a phone card. He also has a destination in mind but he would not reveal it. He also said he is very suspicious of police and will never believe his teacher or any social worker ever again. He no longer sounds like an 11-year-old boy, once filled with the wonders of life.
“I love my mom and dad, but I know they can’t protect me,” said Kyle.
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