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The woman listened to her granddaughter’s query but could not answer the question.
"What if I tell and nobody does anything about it?" the girl asked.
Unlike most of the people written about in this series on the Division of Youth and Family Services, Greta Andaman (not her real name) wanted DYFS to interfere. For more than five years she has been fighting to have her grandchild removed from the custody of her own daughter and the child’s stepfather.
"I can’t even believe…that this child is being sexually abused and all they (DYFS) want to do is come after me," said Andaman.
The nightmare began when her grandchild was only 3 years old. The girl would scream and carry on when the stepfather came anywhere near. One day sitting on the couch watching Golden Girls with her grandchild, the child pulled down her pants and said, "Here Grandmom, touch it."
"What?!" blurted the shocked grandmother.
"It’s OK, Grandmom. Jason (the stepfather, not his real name) does it all the time," the little girl said.
The horrible realization that maybe her granddaughter was being sexually abused.
"The very next day I called and told her mother," said the grandmom.
The response was not what she expected. Her daughter said she knew her husband was not abusing the child and didn’t want to hear anything more about, nor would she explain what she meant.
Andaman initially contacted the human services department in Pennsylvania, where the grandmother lived. The department then contacted DYFS in New Jersey, where the little girl, her mother and stepfather lived. DYFS sent employee Christine Brock to look into the allegation.
Brock interviewed the mother and stepfather but never the child, according to the grandmother. Brock told Andaman DYFS would be closing the case, meaning there was no finding of abuse.
Andaman took the child to a pediatrician, who confirmed the possibility of sexual abuse but was not positive about it, according to the doctor’s report obtained by this newspaper.
"I only pursued it because my grandchild kept complaining whenever we were together," said the grandmother, explaining why she took the child to a doctor without the parents being present.
The state agency where Andaman lived said that while they believed her, they had no jurisdiction to pursue the matter because the alleged abuse occurred in New Jersey.
Not knowing what else to do, Andaman hired a lawyer and filed for grandparent’s visitation of her grandchild through the New Jersey courts. She won the right to visit with her grandchild every other weekend.
"My daughter was very hostile. She has even called the police on me," she said.
Andaman said DYFS insisted she was lying, saying she was making the allegations because she did not like her son-in-law.
DYFS made her go to a psychologist and several psychiatrists if she wanted to keep her visitation rights. Andaman produced letters from each of them. Each verifies her mental stability. Even though all gave her a clean bill of mental health, DYFS continues to make her get psychological reports.
"They’ve made her go to nine psychological evaluations in seven years," said her other daughter, Lucy (not her real name).
Lucy also has frequent contact with the child and on one occasion whisked the child off to the hospital after the 6-year-old threatened suicide. According to the report of the Atlantic County psychiatrist who examined the child: "While any child’s verbalization of a desire to commit suicide is clearly reason for concern, it is particularly so when the child is of such a young age. It is rare for a child under the age of 12 to express such thoughts, and exceedingly rare for a 6-year-old to do so."
The doctor recommended hospitalization. The mother declined; DYFS refused intervention.
Eventually the grandmother filed for custody. After a one-day trial the custody petition was denied but the grandmother’s visitation was continued.
Through the years, Andaman has continued to try to get the authorities to intervene for her grandchild, even convincing the child’s mother to go with them to the Child Psychiatry Center in Philadelphia for an interview.
According to the report filed by the center the granddaughter stated that "(the child) loves both (the) mother and grandmother but that (the child) did not like to be left alone with ‘Jason,’ that (the child) was afraid of him. When asked why was (the child) afraid (the child) hesitated but said that Jason had spanked (the child).When asked if Jason had hurt (the child) in any other way (the child) did not answer and became quiet. The child’s mother reassured the child that it was OK to tell, then grandmother indicated she was not sure her grandchild knew the mother would believe the child if the child were to tell her."
The report continues, "Mother and grandmother brought up other issues of their own lives revealing great amount of tension in their relationship. The grandmother left the room to facilitate the process, however the grandchild became very quiet and eventually said the child did not want to talk further at that moment and the interview was stopped."
The grandmother contacted the authorities in both New Jersey and Pennsylvania, including the governors.
In a reply sent by the Office of Children, Youth and Families, Director Anne Shrenberger stated the commonwealth’s position: "An abuse investigation is the responsibility of the local children and youth agency where the abuse occurred. DHS therefore, has no authority to make a decision in this case; the investigation and the determination is within DYFS’ jurisdiction."
A source within the Sex Crime Unit in Pennsylvania where the grandmother initially reported the alleged offense told this newspaper that "because there was a possibility that something happened but no conclusive proof, it became a judgment call for the investigating agency."
He said he would have called it differently than the "Jersey folks did. But, hey, they have their own rules and regulations and training tactics."
This newspaper received other reports of similar situations. Because of the age of the children involved, their identities are being altered.
Susan Worth is a young divorced mother of three little girls, all under the age of 6.
Twice a month, they visit with their father who lives in a different town. Eight months ago after returning from their weekend visit, she noticed her 6-year-old was having trouble going to the bathroom. After questioning the child and examining her physically she suspected that her ex-husband was fondling her. She took her to the pediatrician who agreed that there might be something to it and then she called DYFS.
After taking the little girl off by herself, her mother said, to be interviewed by the DYFS agent and a man "about the age and appearance of her father," the agent told the mother the physical symptoms were the result of a "bubble bath."
The mother found this disturbing because the child did not take bubble baths, but even more troubling was what she was told next.
"After making the bubble bath remark, she (DYFS agent) said she had spoken to my husband and found him to be a nice guy and then told me I was just trying to make trouble for him," Worth said.
A few days later, Worth received a letter from the DYFS office, saying that they were requiring her to submit to "psychological testing with follow-up counseling if needed."
Andaman’s experience was similar. "My daughter and the baby’s stepfather never set foot in the psychologist’s door but DYFS sends me just about every week looking for something wrong. It’s my punishment for saying they’re not doing their job," she said.
Worth now has an open DYFS case and she, not her ex, is the target focus.
"I am terrified of losing my children. I regret ever calling them. I thought they were there to help," she said.
In a third case, the grandmother of the little girl involved in an allegation of sexual abuse by her father said DYFS "told my daughter she was interfering with their investigation and she had better back off." This was after the child’s mother had called DYFS because her 8-year-old said, "Daddy was touching her."
When the matter went to court for custody, according to the grandmother, DYFS actively lobbied on behalf of the little girl’s father, stating that it was better for the child because the "mother might poison her mind because she (the mother) couldn’t get over the thought of her ex-husband abusing their daughter," the grandmother said.
The little girl was separated from three younger siblings and placed with her father. The mother was given weekend visitation.
When asked if people who report allegations of abuse or neglect are ever prosecuted or referred elsewhere for questioning or counseling, DYFS spokesman Andy Williams said, "Absolutely not."
That position was reiterated by DYFS spokesman Joe Delmar, who added, "The only reason we would get back to them would be to get more information to support the allegation. It’s not DYFS policy and there shouldn’t be any investigation of someone making a report."
This surprised Andaman and the other women whose experiences did not bear this out. "They treated me like a criminal," said the mother of the 6-year-old who reported suspected abuse.
According to the DYFS report for the years 1997-98, "Females were the primary perpetrators in seven of every 10 substantiated abuse and neglect cases in both 1997 and 1998."
Of this group, the report states: "Black females and white males comprised the majority of perpetrators in both 1997 and 1998. More than 55 percent of all female perpetrators were black and more than 42 percent of all male perpetrators were white."
According to the state report: "It is the mission of the New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS) to protect vulnerable children, support family preservation and prevent family violence and disruption. Above all else, the guiding policies of DYFS are meant to protect children that can leave them traumatized, disabled or, in the worst cases, dead."
Andaman and others believe the agency may mean well, but that their situations have left them bewildered, frustrated and angry.
"(DYFS doesn’t) like it when you question a snap decision they make," Andaman said. "Everybody makes mistakes, that’s understandable, but DYFS, once they say something, whether they’re for you or against you, can never admit they made a mistake and take another look at the situation. They’re always right and they’ll do whatever they have to to you to prove they were right."
The grandmother has vowed not to give up.
"I’m living for my grandchild and trying to answer the question," she promised.
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